12 Letters
by OMGeorgia
Summary: Blaine decides to write 12 Letters to Kurt


November

The first day I saw you was in Dalton Academy. When you tapped me and told me you were knew,

you weren't really. Anyone could tell since you weren't wearing a uniform.

But I didn't say anything at that moment, Mostly because I really wanted to talk to you. I won't lie and

say that my heart didn't skip a beat or two, especially when I took your hand and we both ran down the

corridor together.

That day, you looked so amazed to see The Warblers singing, as if you had never really seen a school enjoy glee club...

I really have to go now, i'm sorry this first letter is so short. But you should know that day was one of the best days in my life.

It's the day I met you, Kurt.

December.

The highlight of my day was probably when it snowed, but even that didn't last long as it soon melted quicker than it came.

Rachel called from New York again.

Her and Finn had another stupid argument on the phone this morning, I had to comfort her all through my lunch break

as she wouldn't stop crying. Apparently things between the both of them haven't been working out since she moved, I didn't

really expect their relationship to be great.

Rachel didn't exactly tell Finn about New York and he brings it up nearly all of the time- So I hear.

What happened was that after Finn proposed and she said yes, Rachel blurted out that she had been accepted, the only

problem was that her flight was that night... That was three months ago.

They have more arguments that phone calls and she always tells me. I can't deal with it, I really can't. Usually you would talk to her, talk to Finn and make everything better.

But you can't.

Not even Rory can help me out because he is back in Ireland for a week to visit his family.

I really wish you were here. Mostly because I miss you, and I need a hug.

January.

Glee club is so different now that mostly everyone has graduated. The only people I know now is Rory and Mr Schue.

Sectionals are coming up soon, none of us have decided on the songs we want to sing nevermind rehearse it. It seems like Mr Schue hardly cares anymore, like he's given up on his life and nothing really seems to matter now. Him and Miss Pillsbury broke up around a month ago, just before he got the chance to propose so we all understand why he acts like this.

The good thing is though, Rory's back! I really did miss his Irish accent.

He came running into the choir room screaming "I'm back!" while wearing a strange knitted green sweater with a leprechaun on it. We all burst out laughing, even Mr Schue managed to have a chuckle at the wacky sweater. Somehow though I manged to hold my laughter in for a little while and give him a hug. He's the only one that seems to understand me now a days. Miss Pillsbury stopped me in the hall the other day to mention counselling to me, but I quickly replied with "I'm fine" before piratically running down the hall.

It's hard.

Lying everyday and plastering a false smile to your face.

February.

Valentines Day.

I used to love this day, shopping for the perfect gift for you and picking out the most expensive card, then giving it to you by your locker so I could see the huge grin on your face. This year, I had to stop myself from walking past your old locker and stuffing the card I bought into it.

I avoided nearly everyone today, they're all paired up.

Acting all lovey, handing each other cheap knock-off gifts and sickening sweet cards.

I wish I could still do that with you, or hold your hand in the hallway, or at least give you a hug. But of course I can't, nothing can go back to what it used to be like and I have to try and except that.

I know what you're maybe thinking, Kurt.

That so far these letters have been a bit depressing.

I'll try and cheer up, just give me some time.

March.

Today was such an amazing day!

I don't know how they did it, or how they organised it, but when I walked into the choir room everyone was there. When I saw everyone, I mean everyone.

Puck, Lauren, Mike, Tina, Quinn, Rachel, Finn, Santana, Brittany, Artie, Sam, Mercedes, The Warblers (except Sebastian) and of course Rory. It was amazing to see everyone, I almost burst into tears when I saw them all standing there waiting on me.

One massive reunion in the choir room, they all said "It's for you Blaine! We wanted to make you feel better and we haven't seen each other in months."

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve friends like them.

Also, I thought I seen you half way through out the party.

Standing in the doorway, smiling at all of us and waving. I know I was imaging it, but it was nice to see your face again.

April.

Sectionals.

There's not much I can say about this month, we've been working hard for this.

We want to win so badly, Kurt. I want to win so badly.

But all that seems to be running throughout my mind right now is how alone I am, of course I have Rory but I have no one else since they are too busy with work or college. None of them could even make it today, only my parents who aren't even staying for the full show since they have 'important meetings' to attend to.

I feel like they have all forgotten about me, that maybe after we graduate, Rory will leave as well. I don't want to be left alone. We're nearly here and I should be practicing like everyone else, but I always feel better when I write to you. I guess you could say that right now, me writing this letter is calming the thousands of little butterflies that are fluttering madly in my stomach and the nervous thoughts of the future that are drifting throughout my head.

We're here now, wish us good luck? I think i'll be needing it the most.

May.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I hope you have a party hat on and party poppers popping all around you. I know I have and it's all or you!

We had a miniature party in glee for you, even Puck and Artie managed to turn up with gifts and sweets. I wish you were here, you would have loved it all...

Do you ever think about us?

Yeah, I know, random question but I was just thinking. Do you ever sit down and think about all of us? Your parents as well? Think about things that had happened in your life?

Maybe you do, maybe you don't. But where ever you are, I hope you're having a fantastic birthday.

Oh, and just to let you know..

We won Sectionals, bring on Regional's!

June.

Are you planning anything for summer vacation? I'm not.

Well, Rachel promised that she would visit home for a few days so I expect we will meet up, but that's all.

Rory is going back to Ireland, again. He mentioned something about his family and someones birthday but I didn't really catch what he was saying since he was talking so fast.

I think for summer, i'll just sleep. I seem to be getting lazier and lazier as the days go by.

This is the time I really do wish you were here, we could go to the beach, the park, anything you wanted... But instead i'll be sleeping and going outside with friends, rarely.

I hope you have something better planned than me, don't be as lazy as I am.

July.

I have the flu.

I still don't understand how i've managed to get the flu in July, but I have.

Right now I can picture you reading this, shaking your head with a smile smile on your lips, muttering the words "Typical Blaine" under your breath.

My mom won't even let me out of the house, not even to sit in the back garden. My mom hardly let's me do anything when i'm sick, the other day I had beg her to let me get up and use the toilet. Remember the time you were sick? I came around to your house and took care of you, making you soup and doing some extra chores in your bedroom while you slept. When I started studying at the edge of your bed, you woke up and wouldn't stop kicking me, not until I agreed to go out and buy you the latest fashion magazine and read you books that you couldn't be bothered to read yourself. No wonder I failed that test I had the next day.

If you were here right now I would be forcing you to make me soup, or at least buy from the supermarket and heat it up for me.

August.

Regional's are today.

I'm shaking like a leaf, Rory is trying to calm me down but nothing is working.

I feel like my stomach is doing back flips, right now I would love to duck under the bus chair and curl into a small ball and forget all about this. Pretend I don't have to go out on that stage, don't have to sing most of the solo parts alongside Rory.

Why couldn't you be here! You always knew how to calm me down, even when it was times like this. The bus keeps flying over bumps in the road, making most of us jump high in the air before landing in a tangled mess on the floor. Everyone is laughing every single time it happens but I feel like i'm having a mini heart attack. My nerves are starting to get the best of me, I need to go and take deep breaths Mr Schue keeps repeating over and over again, like he is stuck on replay.

I don't think we'll make it, Kurt.

I really don't.

September.

We didn't make it.

It's all my fault. Of course it's always my fault, I was so shaky that you could hear it in my voice. I messed up big time for us.

Some of the kids aren't talking to me, but the rest are. One of them said that its OK, they will have next year to try again. I guess they were right, plus we already won the competition last year.

On better new, Rachel and Finn have made up. Over the summer they talked it all out, Rachel ended up staying longer and promised to try and make more visits or phone calls whenever she could. They both agreed on making the whole long-distance relationship work and Finn agreed to stop mentioning past arguments or stupid mistakes Rachel had made in the past.

Somehow, I think everything is going to turn out ok.

October.

It's been a whole year, I still don't believe it.

Doctors told me "Write it down, it helps" they were right. I don't think I would still be here if I hadn't wrote you all these letters.

I remember it all so clearly.

We went out a walk in the nearby park, deciding to leave early because of how cold and dark it was getting. You stepped out onto the road first as I replied to a text that was sent to me from Mike. When I looked up I noticed a car speeding down the lane, you didn't. I shouted out to you to move out of the way but by the time you noticed the car, it was too late.

Your body flew up in the air, slowly crashing down onto the concrete as the driver of the car started to scream hysterically. I ran, as fast as I could to you, kneeling down beside your body while trying to get you to open your eyes. Until you did, you looked up at me and smiled, weakly lifting a hand to caress my cheek, a mumble of the word "Sorry" escaping your lips.

"No! No, you're not leaving me, Kurt!" I screamed, trying my best to find my phone that seemed to be hidden in my bag. By the time I found it, it was too late. Your eyes dropped closed and the warm of your hand left my cheek and landed lazily back at your side.

I never had the chance to say this to you.

But, Kurt Hummel, I love you. Don't you ever forget that.


End file.
